


//phan\\

by ode_to_phan



Category: Amazingphil - Fandom, Daniel Howell - Fandom, Phan, Phil Lester - Fandom, dan and phil
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-04
Updated: 2019-02-04
Packaged: 2019-10-22 07:18:03
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,562
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17658425
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ode_to_phan/pseuds/ode_to_phan
Summary: hi, so this is my first real fanfiction/oneshot, and my best friend helped me write it.  also there is a little bit of self-harm, sooo yeah





	//phan\\

The raven-haired boy’s body lay twisted on the tracks of King’s Cross Station, Platform Ten. The very place the taller, younger, brown-haired boy met him. Warm crimson blood was still flowing out of his small pale body, but there was nothing Dan could do to help. He could only scream in horror as he watched all the light drain from Phil’s eyes. 

Dan sat straight up in bed with a gasp, screaming. He couldn’t get this image, this awful nightmare, out of his mind. He started shaking like a flea and tears fell onto his grey and black comforter. Phil ran into Dan’s room. “Dan? Dan, you okay?!” Dan tried to calm himself. “N-no,” he said very unsteadily. “Do you need to talk about it?” Dan nodded slowly and felt an odd sense of relief when Phil sat in his bed right next to him and put his arms around him. 

“Y-you were dead, Phil…. Dead. On the train tracks,” Dan started, barely able to talk. Phil lay in silence...he had had the same dream but saw Dan, life draining on the tracks...he had tried to save him...but he couldn’t. Phil wrapped his arms around Dan slowly, almost curling into Dan…Phil WAS smaller. “I-I probably shouldn't have shared that,” Dan said quietly. “No, it's okay… i-it isn't good to keep it pent up inside… actually, I… I had the same dream, but it was you who… who was dying.” 

“Phil….” Dan said,”Phil I-“ suddenly, Tyler barged through the door, his face red but determined, he grabbed Phil from Dan and stared him in the face. “Phil, I like you, a lot! Please be my boyfriend!” Phil stares at Tyler, dumbfounded, before gently pushing Tyler off. “um...Tyler...I-I…” he looks at Dan, who looks absently into the distance, as soon as Tyler said boyfriend, he was lost in his existential crisis abyss...going deeper and deeper into the black….suddenly he was shaken from his darkness, and faced his best friend/crush. “Phil?” He winced at how broken and empty his voice sounded.

Previously, Phil had seen Dan leave….seen him fall into the black. He quietly said,”Tyler, please leave.” Tyler looked stunned at Phil. “Phil….don’t do this to me..” he saw Phil’s eyes flick to Dan and immediately understood, and with that understanding came rage. “Him?! Really?! Your best friend, over the one you’re shipped with?! I’m disgusted!” He was trying to bait Phil into dating him. Phil scoffed,”honestly Tyler? You’re going THAT low?” He smirked slightly, looking extremely cute. “Tyler, I’m sorry, but yes I’m actually going to do both of those things, date my best friend, the one I’m SHIPPED WITH.” Tyler looked angry and walked out the door. 

Now, Dan had tears streaming down his face, he shook his head from Phil’s grip, looking down, and letting his hair fall over his eyes, “Why don’t you go out with your boyfriend?” He said, voice shaking slightly. Phil rolled his eyes and said, “Okay Dan, let’s go.” He tugged Dan up by the hand and dragged him to Dans room, “Get dressed mate, we’re going out to Starbucks to get coffee and then binge watching Game of Thrones and all our favorite anime.” He walks away, leaving Dan standing in amazement and shock at his closet, trying to process what the bloody hell just happened. Then it clicked and his eyes widened and he yelled, “PHIL YOU SMOOTH SON OF A-“ Phil interrupts “BISCUIT! NOW COME ONNNNN”. 

Dan comes out of his room in Phils hoodie and blacked ripped skinny jeans. Phil smiles the smile that brightens Dans day, every day and all day, no matter what. Phil is wearing Dans hoodie. He smiles and kisses his cheek quickly before running to the car. Dan chases after him and holds his hand as he drives. They arrive at Starbucks and get their food before driving full speed back to the apartment and crashing on the couch together, exhausted from all the fans. Phil turns on their favorite anime and subconsciously snuggles against Dan. Dan wraps his arm around Phil and then nearly falls asleep on his head. 

Phil smiles and starts recording, “Guys, i found a sleeping Daniel Bear, he fell asleep in his natural couch crease, watching his favorite anime…..i believe i should wake him up.” Phil sets the camera on the coffee table and jabs Dan in the stomach. “DANNY WAKE UUUUUP” Dan wakes up with a start. “What the *bleep* Phil?” “Im sorry Daniel.” “Since when have you called me ‘Daniel’?” Dan smirked. “Is it since I became your-” “AHhahahahahahaa nope, no no nopity no.” Phil stammers. He coughs,”live stream” and coughs again. Dan’s eyes widen. He starts overreacting and ‘suspecting’ a prank for the camera. Then Phil ‘relents’ and picks up the camera, showing Dan and then cutting it off, knowing all the comments will be about Dan’s slip. 

As Dan looks through all the comments, he finds that a lot of them are pretty much people making fun of him, and hardly about Phan at all. “Ohhhhh looks like Danny boi messed up,” says one of the comments made by a user called “pierce.my.horizon”. Another comment was made by a rather homophobic user, who said “stupid fag, get off youtube already.” Phil replies, ”Just stop watching us? And we aren’t gay.” Dan in the background says, “yea, we’re bi…or i am at least.” He grins and goes to his room. .

Around midnight, Dan starts to talk to himself as he normally does. “He called us fags, am I completely gay? Or… noooo I think I’m bi…. Why did I have to slip up like that, I’m such an idiot… but why were people making fun of me, I thought they all supported ‘Phan’....” Phil just so happens to hear Dan and knocks softly on his door, avoiding the dents where they’ve accidentally knocked tripods into it. “Phil, you don’t have to knock, come in,” Dan says quietly, snapping out of his trance-like state. Phil sits on the end of Dan’s bed and says “Hey, you were  
talking to yourself again…” “Was I?” “Yes. And, most of it is about the whole hate comments thing… Listen, they’re just,” Phil furrows his brow thinking of a word. “Stupid?,” Dan supplied. “Uhm, sure, we can call them stupid. But only the really bad ones.”

With a huge crashing sound, all the lights in the apartment building shut off. Dan, who is afraid of the dark, jumps and digs his nails into his hips, not knowing what to do. Phil can sense his panic. “Dan, it’s okay, alright?” Dan can feel blood now. He accidentally ripped his own skin over a few scars he made not long ago. He takes his hands away from his sides in horror. 

Phil turns on a flashlight on his phone and sits it to where it will light up most of the room. He scoots closer to Dan and puts an arm around him, and is genuinely concerned when Dan flinches in pain. “Dan, what’s wrong? You’re… in pain?” Dan subconsciously moves away a tiny bit. “Dan. Please tell me, I know you’re hurting…. Please,” Phil says quietly. “I’m fine, alright?” Phil shakes his head and looks slightly depressed. Dan can’t bear to see Phil looking sad so he very slowly lifts his shirt to reveal only his bleeding hips. 

Phil gasps, his pale blue eyes widening. Dan somehow managed to bruise himself, and the small dents were slowly oozing dark crimson blood. “You did this with your nails?” Dan sighs and says “Yeah, but at least it’s not as bad as…. Nevermind.” He puts his shirt back down and looks away. “Dan. What have you been doing?” “Nothing, Phil, I’m fine. One hundred percent fine.” “Well, you’re acting pretty dang anxious if you ask me… Don’t tell me you’ve been…” Dan doesn’t answer. “I see. So you HAVE been hurting yourself.” “You’re mad at me, aren’t you?” Phil sighs, saying “No.”

“It was just a panic reaction, nothing more, honestly, I didn’t mean to… do it just now!” Dan doesn’t quite know what to do, he can’t stand for Phil to be upset with him. 

Phil gives him a hug, and Dan is surprised. “Why are you hugging me? And ow.” He says, flinching. Phil releases him and looks at him. “Because you need it.” He says simply. Dan is shook, how was it that those four words could POSSIBLY have this effect on him, he wanted to dress up in pastel edits again and hug everyone he sees and throw away all the knives in the house, no, better! He wanted to look at them all day and know he would NEVER do what he had done again. He looks at Phil with tears in his eyes. 

He chokes on his words,” Phil I love you, thank you for that….can I have another hug?” Phil is delighted and takes the opportunity immediately, he wraps his arms around Dan gently, and when Dan hugs tighter, he does as well. “I love you too bear.” And Dan NEVER got depressed again thanks to his loving best friend that is always there for him and even when he’s not he is happy, knowing that he will always come back.


End file.
